Blaise Christie waxes poetic on making cinema magic and doing the hooker pick up on film.

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Blaise Christie waxes poetic on making cinema magic and doing the hooker pick up on film.

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First Blowjob

An Excerpt from The University of Players, by The Reader's Mistress.

Lamont kissed my neck and moved on top of me. I felt his muscular chest. I moved my hands up his beefy arms and onto his chest and shoulders. He sat up and took off his pullover, revealing his well-developed torso. He reached for my shirt and pulled it up and over my head. I lay there in my padded-miracle-pushup bra. He undid the snap between my breasts with the proficiency of experience and opened it. He looked shocked.
"What?" I asked, sitting up.
"Your breasts! What happened to them?"
"What are you talking about?" I asked. "They are right here, where they've always been."
"I was expecting more," he admitted disappointedly. My tits are B-cups. How could he possibly be disappointed? I guess he was a D-cup man and my padded-miracle-pushup bra had fooled him.
I looked down at his crotch and wondered whether he had anything to hide. Before the soufflé could fall, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him on the lips.
"Oh, you're so hot," I whispered in his ear, "I want you so bad." Mercenary motives don't inspire originality. Men never notice.
I felt him relax, and he moaned as he pressed his rock-hard penis into my crotch.
I ran my hand down to his crotch and felt around. I wasn't sure what's what, so I fumbled with his zipper. He helped me unzip his pants, and then he peeled them off.
I looked down and saw that his member was the size of a cucumber on MiracleGro. Previously, I had only seen dill pickles. I was frightened that he was going to put his mega-dick in me.
I panicked, thinking that I had reached the point of no return. I had to get out of this, or I'd end up walking like Frankenstein. I knew the answer. I would cry until the sexual spell was broken.
I had to get the tears flowing. I thought about my cat getting run over. I felt a ping of emotion, but no tears came.
Lamont was fumbling with my jeans. To buy time, I removed his hands and kissed him. Then I decided I'd give him a blowjob. That'd satisfy him and spare my vagina.
I kissed my way to Dumbo, the Jumbo Dick. I took it in one hand and lightly blew on it.
"What the hell you doin', girl? A blow job ain't when you blow on some dude's dick. It's when you put it in your mouth and suck it. Put my beef lollipop in that mouth of yours girl." But it was not a lollipop that I imagined. I closed my eyes and imagined the most delicious éclair. I started drooling as I sucked the Bavarian filling out. Lamont guided me.
The image of the éclair was so vivid that I had no trouble sucking that humongous chocolate canoli. The filling squirted out and streamed into my throat.
Lamont went into a seizure.

To read more of The University of Players please visit me at http://myspace.com/universityofplayers

[DVD review]

MILF Jugs

DVD Info – VCA Pictures presents MILF Jugs. Starring Dani Sexton, Cat Cleavage, Cheyenne Hunter, Vanessa Vidal, Christian, Jason Arrow, Guy DiSilva, Antonio Benderass and Dino Bravo. Directed by Rob Spallone.

review by Herriet Birch, birchharriet@gmail.com

There are many deliciously sexy movies in the MILF genre. Unfortunately, MILF Jugs is not one of them. As could be expected from the title, this is a tit-centered movie, but it does move on to oral and fucking for every scene.

The cover promises young, thick cock, but only one of the male participants, Jason Arrow, could be said to be “young.” In the scene with Dani Sexton, I actually saw not only Guy DiSilva's heinous bald spot, but his pacemaker scar!

By and large, the MILFs of this movie might have once been hot... about 10 years and five or six surgeries ago. In particular, Dani Sexton and Cat Cleavage were so plastic, I wasn't even sure they'd been born women. How could one tell? The implants were very badly done, and the skin was uniformly pulled so tight that the expressions were wiped from the women's faces.

One woman called Mae Victoria might have been attractive at some time. At least she had real breasts. But when she leaned over and the camera zoomed in, I could see large red bumps in her ass crack. Terrifying.

The entire movie was shot in a manner that I found completely off-putting, with the actresses talking to the camera, instead of to the man she was having sex with. In most pornography, you could believe that although they are being paid, that the women are at least enjoying the experience. Not MILF Jugs. They were stiff and the moaning was utterly forced.

To cover all the bases, I invited some of my friends to watch the movie, to get the heterosexual male perspective. They agreed, and not one of the three guys enjoyed it. We all just wanted it to be over.

The extras on the DVD included a behind the scenes feature, which I dutifully watched. It was nice to see that the women were capable of smiling when their plastic surgery permitted.

So, for the overall, pass this DVD over. Unless all of the above is what floats your boat. But for me, these MILF Jugs have gone sour. The best part is the title, and that much is free.

[Harriet Birch is an erotica writer living in San Diego. She can be reached at birchharriet@gmail.com. ~Ed.]

[press release]

Hell on Heels Burlesque Revue

On Saturday February 2, Hell on Heels Burlesque Revue will return to Brick By Brick for our all new 'International Sweethearts' show. Ladies will perform sensual stripteases, some inspired by different cultures. Including a Mexican hat dance, a German wench with 'jugs' plus a seductive Egyptian Cleopatra. We will also be up to our usual tricks -- an ode to traditional burlesque with elegant feather fans and balloon popping only to reveal a lil' T&A (sometimes big T's & big A's).

SEE HOW THE GIRL NEXT DOOR UNDRESSES!
Starring:
Raven F'Moore, Lady Borgia, Lotte Da Lucks, Martini Bombshell, Bibi Bordeaux, Lux B. Aladee and the debut of Mia Diablo. Hosted by Shirley Taken.

In the spirit of Valentine's Day we will have a naked lady buffet with strawberries and chocolate for our guest to nibble.

Saturday February 2, 2008
Doors at 9pm 21+
$12 at the door but dress in your favorite vintage wears and it's only $10.

Brick By Brick 1130 Buenos Ave. San Diego, CA. 92110 (619)275-LIVE

http://www.hellonheelsburlesque.com
http://www.myspace.com/hellonheelsburlesque

[press release]

Sex Workers' Art Show
National Tour 2008

The Sex Workers' Art Show Tour is coming to your town! The show is a mindblowing evening of visual and performance art created by people who work in the sex industry, dispelling the myth that they are anything short of artists, innovators and geniuses!

The wildly successful cabaret-style show is hitting the road again, bringing audiences a blend of spoken word, music, drag, burlesque, and multimedia performance art. Intelligent and hot, disturbing and hilarious, the performances offer a wide range of perspectives on sex work, from celebration of prostitutes' rights and sex positivity, to views of the darker sides of the industry.



This year's incredible lineup of performers includes international burlesque sensation and recipient of the "Best Body in Burlesque" award, Miss Dirty Martini; infamous feminist author of I Love Dick Chris Kraus; award-winning author of the coming-out memoir How I Learned to Snap, Kirk Read; porn star and writer Lorelei Lee; performance artist and comic queen of cleavage The World Famous *BOB*; performer and musical theatre mutineer Erin Markey; internationally infamous drag-subverter Krylon Superstar; dominatrix and destroyer of Asian feminine mythology Keva I. Lee; and tour founder and director Annie Oakley.

The show includes people from all areas of the sex industry: strippers, prostitutes, dommes, film stars, phone sex operators, internet models, etc. It smashes traditional stereotypes and moves beyond "positive" and "negative" into a fuller articulation of the complicated ways sex workers experience their jobs and their lives. The Sex Workers' Art Show entertains, arouses, and amazes while simultaneously offering scathing and insightful commentary on notions of class, race, gender, labor and sexuality!

Also featured at the show will be a new anthology of sex worker writings, Working Sex: Sex Workers Write About a Changing Industry (Seal Press), edited by Annie Oakley. Working Sex features work by several of the show's performers, as well as Eileen Myles, Bruce LaBruce, Nomy Lamm, Michelle Tea, and many more!

The show come to San Diego on January 21 at Brick By Brick. For more info visit http://sexworkersartshow.com/

Hustler’s Busty Beauties #22

Review by Sasha Avalon

The most important thing about watching porn… well, the top 3 most important things about watching porn is being turned on, watching people enjoy what you love so much and most of all, learning. . I walked away from this video learning a new position which I so eagerly used on my boyfriend the next time I saw him… Both, Velicity Von and Devon Lee were my teachers on some new reverse cow-girl couch action.

Ryan, 18, who just was not experienced enough to ever enjoy watching her have sex—she was so unknowing of why this man was rubbing his dick between her tits, she looked so confused and finally at one point stuck her tongue out to lick the head of his dick-- once. Way to get into it there, sport. Ryan needed her own lessons and I needed the fast-forward button.

Danielle Derek, WOW. Now that girl was entertainment… A real-life blow-up doll. She was able to take 9 inches into every orifice of her tiny, big breasted body like a champ... and no gag-reflex whatsoever.

So, let's see… Hustler Busty Beauties #22 wasn't your typical porn. Starting each "segment" off with director Mark Kismet, who took the liberty of asking our busty stars the juicy details about their sexual backgrounds, their incredible sex-drives and history of enjoying men, women, and the big screen. Always what we want to see before watching them suck and fuck some fellow co-star they have no sexual chemistry with. Thank goodness they didn't start
off with some cheesy plot—just went straight to the close-up action of hard clits, tits and dicks.

Yes, although #22 was entertaining, it was one not to watch again. If only the whole movie was an intriguing as the opening intro advertisement, showing the new "Aphrodisiac" series directed by Jerome Taylor, which hit stores September '06… Now that was hot! A montage of hot girls and guys in sexy costumes, hot girls banging girls with strap-ons… basically the girl-on-girl action we all want to see... Something to break the dildo out to... But in the end, my Busty Beauties #22, my teachers, gave me what I wanted from it– (though after the fact)-- an orgasm… which of course is the most most important thing at the end of the day, or an afternoon in this case…

SA

Adult DVD reviews, by Zombie Overlord…


Booty Tales 3

DVD Price: $20.79
DVD Date: 5/8/2007
# of Discs: 1
Movie Year: 2007
Studio: Hustler

Categories & Genres:
Black DVD

Starring:
Lacey Duvalle
Angel Eyes
Delotta Brown
Kara Kane
Nyomi Banxxx

Ok, now I could go on and on again about how this movie (like many others) is filled with jelly rolls, cellulite, huge swinging chocolate milk jugs and ashy nut sucks, but I'm going to focus on the good in this movie. Most of the film IS filled with slow paced, boring sex with fat girls, skinny guys and enormous cocks. The box even false advertises "Anal, facials & toy action" granted there were facials (Nothing spectacular, or should I say 'splatacular'." But there was only anal/toy play in one scene, the same scene, what a disappointment buying a video, called "Booty Tales", advertising anal, and getting one scene...with a fatty. However this movie did have three things the others didn't, first "Kara Kane's" "anal" was mediocre, but it WAS anal. During the intro/blowjob was when the "toy play" came in, and it came in Kara's ass, definitely one of the best parts. Next I come across Nyomi Banxxx. Now I'm not 100% sure if this is the girl who used to be "Tyra Banxxx" but from the waste up she looks like she could be Beyonce's lil sister, since I've always had a boner for Beyonce, this was a pretty big turn on. Not to mention she sucks and fucks like a champ, and every little whimper out of that pretty little mouth of hers was like a dream come true. Hands down best part of this movie...Lacey Duvalle, now this is a girl I'd do! Light caramel colored skin, skinny waste, a killer rack and amazing ass to boot! This girl can fuck with the best of them, before the sex even started I was seconds away from jerkin my gherkin but I knew this review would never get done. All in all, rent this, steal this, fuck just download Lacey's scene, because unless you're into bangin fatties, guys that look like crack heads, hairy pussies and ashy ball bags, only about 20 minutes of this movie is worth any money.

:::

Big League Booty 2

DVD Price: $20.79
DVD Date: 5/29/2007
# of Discs: 1
Movie Year: 2007
Studio: Hustler

Categories & Genres:
Black DVD

Director:Shooter

Starring:
Jessica Allbut
Luscious Kisses
Shadow Cat
Sunshine
Taquila


Wow did this movie blow! Unfortunately it wasn't my load that was blown. This was one of the worst/hardest pornos I've ever had to watch. I'm going to make this short and sweet. Every girl in this movie is fat, not morbidly obese, however Jessica "Allbutt" came close. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of asses, if they're nice, firm, round asses. These girls took the last train to cottage cheese town! So much cellulite, so much jiggling, it was horrible! All the guys were super skinny with monster rods, I don't know if these guys didn't have enough blood to keep their dick's hard or if the thought of pounding the fatties was too much to handle, because I was seeing an awful lot of mashed bananas. All in all, a movie about asses with no anal, you be the judge.

:::

Asian Fever 32

DVD Price: $20.79
DVD Date: 5/29/2007
# of Discs: 1
Movie Year: 2007
Studio: Hustler

Categories & Genres:
Black DVD

Director:Shooter

Starring:
Jessica Allbut
Luscious Kisses
Shadow Cat
Sunshine
Taquila


Wow did this movie blow! Unfortunately it wasn't my load that was blown. This was one of the worst/hardest pornos I've ever had to watch. I'm going to make this short and sweet. Every girl in this movie is fat, not morbidly obese, however Jessica "Allbutt" came close. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of asses, if they're nice, firm, round asses. These girls took the last train to cottage cheese town! So much cellulite, so much jiggling, it was horrible! All the guys were super skinny with monster rods, I don't know if these guys didn't have enough blood to keep their dick's hard or if the thought of pounding the fatties was too much to handle, because I was seeing an awful lot of mashed bananas. All in all, a movie about asses with no anal, you be the judge.

:::

Cum Worshipers

Genre: Gonzo
Director: richard de montfort
Cast: kea kulani, mika tan, lielani, nadi phuket, kyanna lee, kiwi ling
Length: 118min
Production Date: 10/14/06,10/22/06,10/23/06
Extras: behind the scenes, slide show, hustler trailers, vca trailers
Asian Fever 32 is a long running series that has in the past focused mainly on non-Americanized Asian chicks getting into action when Ray Anderson was still directing for the series. Now Richard De Monfort gets a chance and puts together a cast of Asian babes for some decent action. Here's the scene by scene.

Kiwi is the first gal up and she is a pretty cute babe with a decent body and perky tits. The scene opens with Harley and Kiwi together. They get hot and heavy and then he bangs her in the ass with a dildo. Next Kiwi gives him oral sex. The action is pretty heated with deep throating. The action continues with sex. The dude works her at a good pace and she looks good getting worked. The scene ends with the pop shot in her mouth.

Nadi is an attractive babe with a great body and a nice rack. In this scene we find her wearing very little. She and Alec Knight are playing a game of pool that ends with Alec sticking a toy up her ass. Next Nadi is on her knees giving him oral sex. She moves at a good pace and her pretty face looks great taking a cock. Afterwards they stop and Alec puts an anal plug in her ass and then duck tapes her cheeks shut. Then they fuck in straight sex. The action is dull with a very slow pace that hardly looks like any penetration is occurring. After a bit they move into anal sex and it is just as relaxed and uneventful. The scene ends with a facial.

Kyanna is the next gal up. She has a slender frame and small tits. We find her on a couch with Jeremy Holmes. He shows her a sword. Next they get hot and heavy. The foreplay leads to oral sex. Kyanna sucks him off while rubbing her clit. The action has a couple decent moment but for the most part isn't anything special. Next the dude returns the favor and eats her out. The sex doesn't improve the situation too much more. They fuck at a decent pace, but the sex itself is pretty cold. Kyanna fails to really impress. The scene ends with a facial.

Lielani is a cute babe with a slender body and small perky tits. We find her with Christian. They have a brief dialogue and then she gets down low and blows him. She takes a relaxed approach but looks good bobbing her head up and down. Towards the end of the oral bit Lielani shoves a dildo up the dude's ass. Uhhh. Okay? That's weird. Afterwards they get into sex. Lielani and the dude fuck at a good pace and include some nice oral interludes. The action ends with a facial. Overall it was a good scene, but I was a little weirded out by the dildo in the dude's ass. I guess if you like that sort of thing that's fine, but I'm not a fan.

Mika and Kea are the good looking babes from the DVD cover. They are both attractive with nice racks. The scene opens with Kea using a dildo. In another room Mika is with Alec Knight. She gives him a blow job and shows what a pro she is at the act. Then she joins Kea and the girls engage in lesbian sex. They eat each other out and use dildos on each others. Mika also puts on a strapon dildo and fucks Kea. The scene cuts and Alec jerks off on Kea's face. Overall the scene wasn't too exciting. I'm not a fan of girl/girl action.

I wasn't really impressed with this release. The girls were attractive, but the sex was too relaxed and uneventful for my tastes. I was looking forward to seeing Nadi Phuket but she came up with a cold scene. Overall this release was just a disappointment. It has a few decent moments but far from enough to make it worth your while.

:::

Big League Booty #2

DVD Price: $20.79
DVD Date: 5/29/2007
# of Discs: 1
Movie Year: 2007
Studio: Hustler
Studio #: 052907
Categories & Genres:
Black DVD
Director:Shooter
Starring:
Jessica Allbut
Luscious Kisses
Shadow Cat
Sunshine
Taquila


When I got this movie it was in a stack of 5 with 2 other "black porns". Now I'm not a big fan of black porn, but when I found Rob Spallone's Chocolate MILF with a woman named Delotta Brown on the cover, well, I thought I had a winner. The name Delotta Brown hearkened back to the sassy hootchie ladies that populated the blaxploitation films of the early 1970's. I know this because our school district was so poor we could only afford to rent Blackula every three months for assemblies instead of nature films.

But then I noticed Suckable. I have a feeling that Suckable turns everyone she meets into Groucho Marx. Observe:

"Hi, I'm Suckable."
"I'll say you are."

Suckable seemed charming. At one point during her scene with Byron Long she said, "Oh I have to return the favor," and he said, "You'd better sit on my dick." But still I wondered: Why she had decided to call herself Suckable? Then I saw it, and it was extraordinary...I thought for a second that she was giving birth and that the child was exiting the way Superman flies. Her Clit looked like a finger. Other than that there's nothing special about this dvd, all the girls look like cracked out throwbacks from a Mystikal concert, ginormus sagging titties huge asses. However there are some bright sides, VCA has a habit of including a second disk for free, in this one you get "Black Tail Shooters" haven't watched it yet, but it looks like these are the skinnier girls that didn't make it to Chocolate Milf, yup, no big ass chocolate udders here. Plus, black or not, seeing girls take 12" cocks looks not only painful, but pretty fuckin hot as well!

:::

Farmer's Filthy Li'l Daughters

Starring: Memphis Monroe, Nikki Nine, Joanna Angel, Staci Thorn, Chelsie Rae, Jack Lawrence, Lee Stone, Steve Holmes, Manuel Ferrara.

Rated: XXX
Category: Oral
Run Time: 89 min.
Released: 2007
By: Hustler Video
Director: Jerome Tanner

Stock #: 720503D1
Format: DVD
Number of Discs: 1


Ah Farmer's Daughter's. One of the higher ups on every guy's "Chick's I need to bang" list. While you may not be bangin Ellie May Clampett any time soon, Hustler's "Farmer's Filthy Li'l Daughters" is the next best thing. Nikki Nine and Memphis Monroe look like they just fell off the milk truck. Follow along to a story of heart break. (Basically Memphis Monroe gets fucked and dumped and opens the Heartbreak Saloon) not the best of stories, but luckily you'll be too busy punishing your dick to care. First scene, Memphis Monroe getting pounded in a barn surrounded by hay. Super hot! The Third scene stars Staci Thorn......wow. This girl gets punished by a huge fuckin rod in this scene, seriously one of the hottest things ever, with each rapid fire thrust I couldn't tell if she was in pain or having the orgasm of a lifetime, either way, if you've managed to make it this far into the film (Memphis' first scene is more than enough masturbation fodder. ) you've got to be hurting! I am pretty disappointed once again by the cover, it says clear as day "Girl On Girl, anal, toy play, spanking, rimming and cum swallowing" Almost all of this comes in Chelsie Rae's scene and her scene is, probably the most boring. Most of the pop shots were either on the tits or on the face with little to know swallowing. Come on girls, don't insult the chef. Probably the biggest boner let down in this movie though is putting Joanna Angel in a lesbian scene! What the fuck?! Two girls going at it was hot when I was oh I dunno 12? The use of a strap on in this made it all the more awkward. I don't know if it's girls in general or just Joanna Angel, but she just couldn't get this thrust down, she looked like a skinny ass bulldog trying to pump away on her favorite stuffed animal. All in all two scenes are cork poppers, two scenes are pretty much fast forward through and I say skip the lesbian scene all together.

ZO

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